Chinese Wedding Customs: $$$
5Jun2008 Filed under: learning with ChinesePod, observing Author: Jenny Zhu
Despite the favourite Chinese number ‘8′, 2008 was believed to be an unlucky year for marriage based on mystical but popular interpretation. But why are there still so many weddings? I’ve attended a handful in the past 2 months. And that’s taking a slight toll on my financial status.
Blame it on 红包/hong2 bao1, a red pocket containing good wishes in the form of cash. No major Chinese celebration is complete without it, be it New Year or weddings. And it’s not just symbolic money. We are talking about real damage, because in China, the purpose of 红包/hong bao is to help the newly weds cover the cost of the reception and hopefully make a few extra bucks. I’ve been giving around 300 or 500 RMB to my blissful friends. Note to avoid 400 because 4/si4 rhymes with 死/si4/death. After some asking around and googling, it seems that in China’s big 3 cities 300 or 500 is the standard amount. Oh, that’s for one guest. If you go as a couple, 600 to 800. But how much you give is a careful and elaborate calculation based on a few key measures:
1) How well you know the couple. Yes, you might get an invitation from friends who are equivalent to a facebook friend.
2) How important yuur relationship is, but more on the practical side. In blunt terms, what’s the ROI for me.
3) Your salary and financial status. The general rule is 红包 should make you look generous. And you are expected to put your name on the red pocket, which is extra pressure to give generously.
Judging by the above, Chinese weddings might almost seem profiteering, but I see the politics and intricasies of hongbao more to do with our cultural inclination than simply money. Face, no matter how overquoted and misused, underpins Chinese social interaction. It’s about doing the PROPER thing, not just superfacial fluff. Having said that, wedding hongbao does put quite a bit of a financial strain on people. But why are we still showering our friends with our good wishes in RMB? Because as long as we get married, we’ll get back what we gave. People will return the favor/回礼/hui2 li3, which is also essential to Chinese culture.
Ah, the cycle of life for hongbao.
ChinesePod lesson on wedding customs:
Podcast: chinesepod_C0516pb.mp3
7 Responses to “Chinese Wedding Customs: $$$”
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About this blog
Hi, I am Jenny Zhu from ChinesePod.com. I bring you a slice of the Chinese language and culture in the daily podcast. But there is so much more than what a podcast has time for, so jennyzhu.com is a space of observation and reflection on the big, small and everything in between about China.
Art
June 5th, 2008 at 5:50 am
I remember the face thing when I was growing up; it can be a total pain and irrational at the same time. I guess I’ve been westernized enough to be freed from it.
Hank Horkoff
June 5th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Re:
3) Your salary and financial status. The general rule is 红包 should make you look generous. And you are expected to put your name on the red pocket, which is extra pressure to give generously.
There seems to be a common thread here with the recent naming of donations for the Sichuan Earthquake. It seems the popular sentiment here in China was that if you didn’t donate publicly, it was assumed you didn’t donate at all. What is wrong with anonymous magnanimity?
ewong
June 9th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Hi jenny,
my brother just had a wedding last year. I’m not sure if I got the rules right though… most of the hongbaos we received were given to the host my father (father of the groom). Since most of the givers were my father’s friends. I’m not sure though if the money were given to the couple. My father prides to have a lot of “face” since we had over 500 guests and we kept adding “table” during the night.
This is Eileen from Manila. I enjoyed your post
Well for my generation, we mostly give gifts instead of hongbaos. Gifts like gift certificates or items from the bridal registry. It is also our practice to pool our money with our friends to buy something bigger like a vacation trip for the couple.
Jenny Zhu
June 9th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Hi Eileen,
Now that plastic bags are gradually being phased out, I am using the wonderful fabric tote you gave me.
Your brother’s wedding sounds like a grandiose event, which it must have been. It reminds me of a wedding I attended in Singapore, which was 88 tables, i.e. nearly 1000 guests. By the time most guests arrived, it was already 9 o’clock. You rarely see weddings of that scale in China. Most weddings are 30 tables. The Chinese community overseas especially in Southeast Asia seems to have kept a lot of traditions and grandeur.
Cheers,
jenny
ewong
June 10th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Hi Jenny,
I’m very happy to hear that my gift is very useful
I have been conscious of the the use of plastic bags after reading your post even if it is not implemented yet here 
Thank you!
Btw, we would called the hongbao for wedding gifts as “le-kuan” in minanyu. I’m not sure how it is written in chinese perhaps 禮權？
we would called it “ang-pao 紅包” for money given during birthdays or new year
Pink Jeans
June 13th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Money is practical, no? Although gifts have more sentimental value, giving hongbao certainly relieves the giver of stress of finding the right wedding gift, and the recipient the guilt and trouble of returning an unwanted gift. You’re right about those massive banquets in Singapore, Jenny. I think it’s a face thing.
Stephanie
September 18th, 2008 at 12:48 am
I completely agree with the comment by Pink Jeans money is the best gift to give because there are no unwanted gift scenarios. Personally, I think there is nothing worse than having to stand in a return line. It takes so long to get what you need done and believe it or not there are a ton of rules…did you know most return lines make you stand like 10 feet away which usually puts you directly in the path of shopping traffic.